Great Balls of Fire....

So I am completing my 2nd straight day of Burn ICU call. I shit you not, we have had exactly zero admissions.  In fact, I have only been called 1 time at home with a stupid question from an intern.  Talk about a white cloud.
I am thoroughly convinced that 99% of people that get burned were doing something stupid.  Whether it was smoking in the car with a can of gas on the front seat next to them or dickheads trying to steal copper from electrical substations and touched the wrong wire, Darwin could not be happier seeing his natural selection in work.
Now I am not talking about these brave men and women soldiers, marines, air and seamen that we get back from the war.  In that case, they were injured by some chicken shit jackoff usually planting an IED and running away, not even being men enough to stand up and fight.
So in closing, thank you central Texas for not being dumbasses the last few days, you may continue starting 0600 tomorrow.  And remember, lighter fluid and gas are not the same so if you use it to light your Weber.....stop, drop, and just lie there 'cus now you're the grill. S'mores anyone?

thank you mommy

So the momster and step dad were down in San Antonio for Thanksgiving.  And, of course, I get the normal questions...."What do you want for x-mas?"  Now, honestly, I don't need anything.  I have a great wife, a beautiful daughter, and a nice house.  But mom being mom (and my step-dad, Mario), they wont take no for an answer. 

The day after turkey day, Mario and I, are at the local watering hole grabbing a beer while we wait for our take out.  Some guy next to us has an Amazon kindle.  He asked me, and I quote, "What the fuck is that thing?"  So, I explain to him that it is Amazon's e-book reader and how they work.

They next day, they leave for home and 2 days after that...a package from UPS shows up at the door.  Now, I am at work when it gets there and I spoke to my mom that morning.  She says that a package will be coming and don't open it.  Being the good son that I am, I say OK.  That night, my wife says UPS dropped something off so I take a peak.  Now, nothing against online shopping for x-mas, but when the package that comes says the name of the contents inside, it kinda ruins the surprise.  I mean Kindle was splattered all over the outside of this box.

Being the little shit that I am, I call mom and tell her what just arrived. She was a little upset but that didn't stop me.  "Since I know what it is.....can I start using it?"  Well, after a few please, please's...she said yes.  I felt just like the kid and his Red Rider B-B gun from a Christmas Story.  I tore ass into this thing and started downloading books.  Let me tell you, this thing is SO COOL.

I always wanted to read more non-medical books but never bought anything because 99% of my reading life is learning about surgery and critical care.  You can download almost anything you want...and the best part, a lot of the good stuff is FREE.

Even though this thing was a gift, I highly recommend it.  Well worth the money. Get one.

Holy big whack Batman....

So...took call with the trauma team yesterday. Felt great to be back on the service again. The day started off great. Got back to the OR and had some good cases to include an ex lap for a bowel obstruction. It was sweet, got to sew on some intestines again....been forever. I know, weird shit to be happy about but I was training for 5 years to do that stuff.
Suddenly, we get a call that a major trauma is incoming. Car vs. bike and the guy is really dorked up. Just as the ambulance hits the ER door, the paramedic says they lost vital signs. Now, as surgeons, this means one thing. We have to cut this poor bastards chest open to see what the hell is going on. So, with big ass knife in hand, we put a whack on this cat's chest from is sternum to the table and with a couple of big chomps of heavy scissors, we are looking at lung. Rib spreader goes in to give us room. Open up the pericardium (the sac of tissue that holds your heart) and blood gushes out. Then we see it, a huge hole in this guy's heart. I call for a stapler (yes, a stapler) but he has no cardiac motion. He's dead and we call it. And in my demented mind, all I can think of is GODDAMNIT. I didn't get to cross clamp his aorta...oh well, good anatomy lesson I guess.
Then we get 2 assholes who were shot "minding their own business of course). Both shot in the chest. Now whoever shot these two Mensa members has to be the luckiest bastards ever, they hit nothing important...nothing. We sent them home from the ER but judging on the number of tattoos and lack of teeth they had...we will be seeing them back in the ER any day now. I guess it is better to be lucky than good. I'm neither.

Cam didn't know...C'mon man.

Are you serious? Did the NCAA just do that? Does anyone outside of Auburn campus really think that Cam didn't know that his father was pimping him out for $100+ thousand? This kid is a dirty as an overweight stripper's thong after a 12 hour shift. First he had someone's stolen laptop. Then he cheats at UF. He leaves because Tebow came back for his senior year. Right..that team would have been his this year. He left because the hammer was gonna get dropped on his head and he was going get thrown out of school. Then his father goes and tries to pimp him out to other schools. Do you think MSU was the only team he contacted? But he didn't know....I got one word for that....BULLSHIT!